I had very encouraging and inspiring spiritual direction meeting with Wilma this week and she suggested me to find more about what is happening in Sheffield.... why I didn't know more earlier? Great inspiration!
And also
I really need to paint more... so much is happening in me and around me... yesterday I was thinking and praying a lot, as some difficult memories came and suddently things were making much more sense. God doesn't let me "rest in naivity and ignorance".... The door is opening that was closed for a long time and I know that the step that is needed is transformation, reconciliation and healing... and it is the time when words really can't express what is going on...
I need to go and paint prayers.... questions why and how and when... Feeling that I was working so hard and struggling so hard for very long time... and sometime not seeing what is so clear and so obvious... no, no easy answers... it is about identity, about who I am as me, not as Mum, not as Wife, not an artist, not an psychologist trying to come back to her job, not a l'Arche member who wants to come back to her dreams and visions... It is the time to really, really go and explore being me before God, in the stillness.... just being...and being open to surprised... being open to unexpected... being open to God... being open to let God come into my heart in new ways....
Yesterday I trust that God was really putting on my heart passion to explore identity of woman, women... women of faith, woman before God...and I realized that it is His calling me back... as all of this came so strongly in August when I was painting my prayers, reflections during my discernemnt time when writing application for Worship 4 Today course, when completing MSc dissertation, when applying for PhD, when struggling with health problems... at that time my heart was really burning with the desire to come and be with God and explore who I am before Him as me, as woman... and I had such a passion to share this with other women and to explore this in creative way... and I was very much missing Pat Desnoyers who has been my spiritual director when I lived and worked at L'Arche Canada, who inspired me so much.... and then knowing that I am HERE AND NOW, that it is good to have good memories, but I need to live here... yes, coming back to Henry Nouwen's books, specially The Inner Voice of Love....
And I managed to get myself so busy since August, but somehow proably "missing the focus".... I became somehow shy to come back to thinking passionately about encouraging women to explore their identity, creativity, faith.... I talked about this with Wilma in September and she was very encouraging...
Meeting with Lindsey at Montgomery Art Centre in December was another great inspiration - I became so excited about the idea that it would be possible to meet with other artists in Sheffield who explore creativity and faith....
Well, here I am now.... It's time to paint and pray.... but I think I would be realistic and go to bed, as I start my new job on Monday... working as teaching assistant with Czech and Slovak Roma children at primary school... hopefully my two MSc degrees in psychology would be helpful in some way. and I really would love to learn Roma language....
My head is just spinning with ideas, last week I was so much thinking about studying art therapy... coming back to "old dreams" and then questioning how to connect art therapy and art and spirituality... And I know that practically I really cannot afford to study Art psychotherapy in next few years... well, but I still can read the books and learn.... And I really would love to learn more about art and spiritual direction... it is so great that there are others here in Sheffield with the same passion, vision... I was going to email Janice to ask her more, but now I think I could email her this my blog post - if I publish it :)
Well, I just decided to add two paintings I did tonight in Art Rage programme.... before writing this blog post.... I think I did not understand them at all when I was painting them, I thought I was just playing with Art Rage and was learning how to use it.... but it is quite amazing for me to realize that there are connections between what I painted and what I read on Ric's blog that I found and read only after painting the pictures... I think I need to find some of my old books and read more from Carl Jung :)
And all of this really connects with my Worship 4 Today project, where I was going to (and will) explore variety of smaller projects, but the overall theme is Be still and know that I am God....
